What Does That Mean About Me?

Navigating Emotional Immaturity

For a moment, let’s talk about emotional immaturity as a third party in the relationship.

I don’t think there’s anyone I hate more. Emotional Immaturity has intervened, prevented, threatened and so much more in my relationship with my parents.

It doesn’t matter how I explain my feelings, how I twist myself into a pretzel or how long I pause before responding. Emotional Immaturity will take my words and ask…..but what does that mean about me? You see, emotional immaturity is all about themselves. They simply can’t understand that your pain belongs to you. They make sense of their world by using self as the reference point. You are simply invisible.

Don’t get me wrong, I have known emotional immaturity my whole life. I met them as early as I can remember. If I had a feeling that didn’t feel good to them, they were very hurt by that. They felt rejected by my five year old self when I wanted to show my independence. They felt threatened by my fifteen year old self when I learned something new at school. They feel abandoned now by my fifty three year old self because I am asking for non violent communication and understanding. They are convinced my education is what has pulled us apart, not the abuse.

But what about THEM??!! Don’t I care about THEM?! How do I think THEY feel? Can I imagine how THEY must be coping? THEY had a hard childhood and a hard life. THEY have generational trauma and THEY are now old and don’t have the energy for change.

Sigh. So here we are again old friend. Head to head. Toe to toe. I know you so well and yet, at this age and this stage of my life I am just not sure how I want to deal with you.

Boundaries were set years and years ago, but emotional immaturity doesn’t care about boundaries. They will pull, they will tug, they will need, and they will blame. Their favorite tool is guilt now…..can they find the button? Is the button still there? What can they say to push it and finally get what they need?

Because in the end, that’s all they care about. Getting needs filled that weren’t filled by their own parents.

They have no ability to understand that I have a separate inner world with my own thoughts, my own needs, my own feelings and my own meanings about those feelings.

I have begged them to leave the relationship…..I just want to love my parents without their involvement. I have tried giving them what they need….and I learned it’s never enough. The hole is so deep I can’t fill it.

So I continue to navigate it…..trying to find just the right boundary that gives me peace and relieves the false guilt that has been bestowed upon me. But I don’t think emotional immaturity and I will ever understand each other. Especially since I work so hard to ensure they don’t enter my relationship with my own children.

No, I don’t think emotional immaturity and I will ever come to a place where we can be at peace with each other. How could we…..they have kept me from the two people I wanted to know the best. They stand in between me and something I have wanted my whole life…mutual understanding.

So I walk. I breathe. I meditate every single morning and I use somatic healing to bring me back home to me every day. Because I deserve the understanding I seek. I do this because I refuse to let emotional immaturity into my relationships. I can give me exactly what I need in this life.

Yet I will never forgive emotional maturity for standing in the way of the one thing I can’t give myself…..emotionally healthy parents.