Just A Seed

Compassionate Activism For The Sore Heart

I am realizing….as we move through this time in our world…that as a therapist and coach I am sometimes figuring it out as I show up. I am balancing my inner self as I help to balance yours.

This isn’t normally how I would choose to show up. I like to show up prepared, solid and ready. All the boxes checked.

And….

We are in unprecedented times. The world is handing us stuff we have never experienced before and we aren’t sure how to show up.

I keep feeling like…..I don’t know if I’m trained for this.

I’ve been in deep reflection around this question. Around how to show up.

In a conversation with my friend Rachel recently ,she brought up the pandemic as I was mulling it all over. We had never dealt with something that made us feel so uncertain. Our generation had never walked through anything quite as destabilizing. Yes….yes this was a good point. Somehow during the pandemic I felt like I was born to show up in that moment. I knew exactly how to show up….and the words and tools flowed from me like I had specifically what you needed and how to administer it.

And then we touched on something else I showed up for that I was never prepared for….parenting.

I didn’t get what I needed out of my childhood. I was not parented in healthy ways. And yet…..I have found inside of me, specifically what my children needed. I found the wounds….cleansed them, dressed them and learned from them.

My life is a testament to learning while doing. This IS what I do, not because I chose it, but because it chose me.

It starts with realizing regardless of which “side” you stand on currently, we are all activists for something. We are all putting something out into the world. Something that is either eroding community or building community. How can we ensure we are aligned with our own integrity? Aligned with our own values?

I always begin with the oxygen mask principle we have all heard so much about. I engage in caring for my own mental capacity, physical capacity and emotional capacity. I take care of me and that is a priority. I create space inside of me each morning by starting with a meditation. Then my body is crying for care so I do a somatic practice (usually mana movement or ecstatic dance) to stretch it and love it to a more alive feeling. Then I journal to care for my emotional capacity.

In all areas my goal is to create space. Space for my feelings and space for wise mind. Space for a response vs. a reaction. Space for curiosity vs. judgment. Space for a new path through the muck, the hard, the impossible.

Just that first step helps me to ground. Ground into the present moment. If I’m being real (and I don’t know how to be anything but) the reality in the present moment is, I am safe and others are not. A hard pill to swallow. I could look away and stay safe…..or I can reevaluate. I can ensure I am aligned with my values and my integrity. I choose the latter.

So today I have a seed for you….and no pressure for it to turn into a full bloomed flower. Today it’s just a seed. Sit with it and see how you feel.

It’s something called compassionate activism. I am not suggesting you go out and become a protestor if that isn’t something you’re comfortable with. I am suggesting you start with realizing our interconnectedness as humans. We are all connected. I am suggesting you find your lane to help create change and align with your own integrity, while practicing compassion for yourself and others. Compassionate activism is rooted in an underlying compassion for all beings. It resists the urge to dehumanize our opponents as they often do to us. Compassionate activism creates community……take note that I didn’t say friendships. I believe this may be one of the main lines that is keeping us divided.

During this time of great divide….I have walked away from a few friendships where it became obvious we have different human values. I can not consider people friends when they are justifying the atrocities we are seeing around us present day. That is my line. I can not stand beside you if you are busy looking away because you are safe. However, I am always open to a softening….a mind that has opened and I can and will walk beside you in community to create change, we don’t have to be friends.

Compassionate activism isn’t just about the world and what is happening inside of it, it is also about what is happening inside of you. It begins with balancing internal reflection (mindfulness and self accountability) with external actions to improve society. Also, just as I do as a therapist and coach, compassionate activism involves prioritizing the well being of the activist to prevent burnout. We are all feeling some level of this right now. We use self compassion to manage the intense emotions of the world and of the work it takes to create change.

In the mental health world we like to separate into two categories when it comes to caring for ourselves during times like this. Emotion focused strategies change the way we feel and problem focused strategies involve taking action to solve a problem directly.

Spend some time in each. What strategies can I use to create more space in my heart and mind. Which strategies help my mind to be open and accepting? Which problems speak to your heart? Which communities engage your problem solving part?

Let’s start here….with compassion and curiosity. First for us, then for others.

I don’t have all the answers, that’s for sure….but I do have a couple of paths that may feel healthier to walk down right now. I do have some seeds that have helped me through my life when I have been the most uncertain, the most horrified at the actions around me.

What I do know is that in the hardest times of my life, when I wanted to isolate and avoid….the very best actions I have taken is to go inward first, then reach my hand out to others.

My hand is out to you right now. We are community. Let’s start acting like it.