Boundaries Revolutionized My Life

Laying Boundaries is a Non-Negotiable When Breaking Cycles

Boundaries revolutionized my life. After all, how can you break cycles, systematically re-pattern your brain, and change dysfunctional generational patterns without them?

Raising children to adulthood means they are going to figure out who you are. They are going to SEE you and if you are putting up with toxic or abusive behavior….they will call it out.

Why?

Because you have taught them better. You have allowed them to lay boundaries with you and you have encouraged them to have healthy boundaries with others.

So…if you are still putting up with dysfunctional behaviors from your family of origin….your children WILL notice and they WILL call you on it.

This happened to me during my Mom’s recent visit to my home. My son Cole (23) had stopped in when he realized the visit was unraveling and I was quite upset about it. As we sat in my closet (long story) he slowly took a guiding position. He recounted to me why her behavior was not okay. He reminded me why it was healthy to lay boundaries with her. He used the words I had used with him as a teen when he was in an unhealthy relationship. He said…..”you deserve to be treated with love.”

Yes. I. Do.

All the compassion I was feeling for her…..my parts were desperate for.

All the patience I was giving her….my inner 14 yr old needed.

All the explaining I was doing so she could understand me…..was wasted on someone rooted in misunderstanding me. My inner children are eager for my understanding.

He reminded me, I deserved all of what I was giving away. He reminded me it was not too much to ask. He reminded me that I am worthy of the love I give.

It is quite easy for me to lay boundaries with others. It really always has been.

However, it is quite hard for me to lay boundaries with those I love deeply. Quite hard with those I know didn’t get what they needed as a child. Quite hard when I have full understanding and compassion for how they got here.

Often, my understanding of their story get’s in the way of my compassion for my own story.

I matter too.

Grateful to ingest that lesson from a human I raised to know his worth.

PS. I am thinking we should head to The Well (Zoom) for a conversation on boundaries….how to know when they are needed, how to lay them and how to care for yourself when they don’t like it. What do you think?? Let me know and I will get one scheduled if there is enough interest in this topic.